Jenny
by ForensicsFreak1988
Summary: What if there was a reason for Grissom's closemindedness? What if not knowing what it is is killing Sara? What if it was Jenny?


**Title: Jenny By:ForensicsFreak1988**

**A/N: This just kinda poped into my head, sort of a 'what-if' (Isn't almost every fic) and I finally wrote it out. It's a probably more then a bit OC, and a little AUish. I hope you like it anyways. **

**Spoiler(ish): Nesting Dolls. Set a day or two later.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. That privilege belongs to the lucky a-holes (just kidding) at CBS. I just use them for entertainment. I promise I'll play nicely and return them when I'm done. SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Kicking him in the groin, she slipped out of his grip, running in the opposite direction. Tears in her eyes, she flung the tree branches aside as she fled. Being the trained CSI that she was she stuck to the deep woods, zigzagging through the trees, trying to knock her attacker off her trail. But her attacker would not be thrown. He caught up with her, knocking her to the ground. Kicking, and scratching she fought. Grissom wanted to scream but he couldn't. No sound would come. Horrified, he watched as Sara's attacker over powered her small form, raping her. Again Grissom was forced to stand and watch as the bastard grasped Sara's throat, locked his elbows, and held her down as she fought to get air. Finally, she lay still.

"NO! Not Sara!" Gil Grissom screamed. Shooting uprightin bed, he squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself to calm down. Opening his eyes once he'd calmed down slightly, his head spun a little before settling. Glancing at the clock, he realized it was only noon. He sighed. What was the point in even trying to sleep? The chance he'd be able to was so small even he was willing to make that assumption. The next question was, what to do. He had hours to go before shift and his house was way too quiet. He needed to get a cat, or a dog, or something. Looking around, his eyes settled on one of his insect cages. This one held Monkey, his African Giant Millipede. He had a special place in his heart for Millipedes. They were also a source of pain for him. Zoe, an African Giant Millipede that had died eight years ago, had been a gift from his daughter. What- you didn't know Grissom had a daughter? He doesn't. Anymore. Jenny Maria Grissom died at the age of fifteen due to a drug overdose. Jenny died ten years ago. Ten years and Monkey still hurts him. But Grissom continues to keep Millipedes. Not doing so would be too close to letting Jenny go. And Grissom can't do that. Jenny is the reason for so much in Grissom's life. Jenny is the reason his wife left him. Jenny is the reason he can't stand people who prey on children (especially drug dealers). And, most of all, Jenny is the reason Grissom is so scared of attachment. Jenny was the last person Grissom had ever cared about. She'd brought so much joy to his life. Then, one night, Jenny fell in love. He was perfect. Or so she thought. Problem was, he only wanted to party. And that, of course meant drugs. Jenny had taken joy with her life that night. And in it's place left the seemingly empty shell that is Gilbert Grissom. But, though it may not seem it, Gil is not empty. Time heals, and Grissom has learned to let people in. They may not realize it, but every member of his team has a place in Grissom's heart. Catherine, Warrick, Nick, Doc Robbins, Brass, and yes, even Greg. But there is one person in this world who could hurt him as much as Jenny had. Sara Sidle. Somewhere along the line, Sara's odd charm had worked. And that, is the reason Grissom was in his current dilemma. Grissom would never admit to Sara that he loved her. To do so would allow for the pain of the loss of Sara, one way or another. _But then, you've already lost Sara _an annoying part of his brain pointed out. Had he? That scared the hell out of Grissom. He didn't want to lose Sara. In fact he was pretty sure that he couldn't handle the pain of losing Sara. But he didn't want to get hurt. _ Ah, but Sara didn't want to be hurt anymore than she already had been, either. She didn't ask her dad to push her mom to murder. She didn't ask to be shuffled around foster homes throughout her teenaged life. She needed someone to help her see that the world wasn't just full of pain. She needed you, Gil. And all you could do was hold her hand._

GSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG _Flashback: _Gil Grissom had noticed the young brown-haired girl in the back of his lectures for the past week. He couldn't say what exactly stood out about her. It could have been the way her eyes glazed over when she was milling over something he'd just said. It could have been the way her chin rested on the ball of her hand as she leaned forward, listening to everything he had to say. Or maybe, it was the way the gap in her teeth showed when she smiled at a particularly good point, cheering him on in her own little way. Whatever the reason, he found himself intrigued by her, wanting to know more about her. So, when Grissom found her waiting for him as he left the lecture hall one day, he couldn't help but grin a little. 

"Can I help you Ms…?" he let his question trail into an unspoken one.

"Sidle. Sara Sidle, Professor. I was just wondering about something you said about carpet beetles." When she spoke Grissom noticed that she had a slight Valley Girl lilt.

"Please. Grissom, or even Gil. Why don't I answer your question over some coffee? Unless you have plans?" Sara grinned at him as Grissom wondered where the offer had come from.

"That sounds great. I was just going to grab a Danish or something."

They spent the next 45 minutes getting to know each other (as well as Grissom and Sara could get to know each other) and, of course, talking about bugs (it was an entomology lecture after all). So, it was no surprise when Sara brought up millipedes.

"Did you know that the average millipede has close to three hundred legs? Can you imagine buying shoes?" Grissom's grin was half hearted, and despite just having gotten to know each other, Sara could tell.

"What is it?" He sighed. It had been over a year since Jenny's death, and he still couldn't talk about millipedes, and he hadn't really talked about it with anyone. And, however much he may want to, he wasn't changing that now.

"It's nothing Sara. I just don't really like millipedes that much." Lie.

"It's not nothing Grissom. If you don't want to tell me, just say so." Grissom did a seemingly casual check of his watch.

"Look, I have to get going Sara." Another lie. "I'll see you during the lecture. It's been great getting to know you." Not a lie. Berating himself for the hurt look on her face, he turned to go.

"Grissom." He turned around to see a sad little lopsided grin on her face. "When you decide you want to talk about it, let me know." It was, of course, an exchange that set the tone for Grissom and Sara's relationship. Sara was completely open with him, and he…well, he wasn't. And after how open she'd been with him the other day, Grissom was sick and tired of seeing all the pain that he caused a woman who meant so much to him.

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I'm not entirely sure where I got the idea for this one, but I hope you liked it. I am (obviously) planning on continuing, but it may be a while. And of course, the lilac button is there for a reason so…use it.


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